'Twas the Night Before Big Butt...
'Twas the night before Christmas
all snug in their beds, while visions of cyber moons danced in their heads. When suddenly outside there arose such a clatter, that I dropped my mouse to see what was the matter. Away to my window I flew like a flash, to draw back the curtains in a dash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave life to the objects wiggling below-- for what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a big butt moon, and eight big butt reindeers.  Though big butt was so very lively and quick, I knew in a moment he could not be St. Nick. More rapid than wind, his minions, they came, and he tooted and tooted as he called them by name; "Now, Hairy! Now, Rumpus! Now, Sweet Buns and Wimple! On, Flasher! On Bung! On, Downer and Dimple! To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall-- now moon away, moon away, moon away all!"  Though they had no wings, gas propelled them up high, What a sight to see them mount the sky. Up to the house-top the big butts flew, with the sleigh full of small butts, and Big Butt Santa too. And then, in a twinkling, I felt ill in my gut, as I smelled the tooting of each little butt.  As I covered my nose, and was turning around, down the chimney Big Butt came with an awful sound. A bundle of small butts hung out of his sack, and he looked so happy as he opened his pack. His flesh how it twinkled, his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, the color of a cherry! His droll little buns were drawn up like a bow, and the hair on his butt was as white as the snow;  without any teeth, and a steamy fart encircled him like a wreath; He was round and fat though he had no belly, and he shook like a mountain of petroleum jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old butt, and I laughed when around the room he decided to strut. A wink of his cheek and a twist of his hat, nearly scared away my sassy, old cat.  He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work-- what Santa sends if you've been a jerk. Removing his hat, the big butts in tune, they lined up to give me a fart and a moon.
In the air so foul the odor hung, from the musical work of each and every bung. Then they sprang to the roof, to give one last fart, And away they all flew, using gas to depart. But I heard Big Butt exclaim, as he spewed with cheer, "Happy Big Butt Christmas to all, and to all a good new moon year!"
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