Here's some funny medicine for you. The following
quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians.
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
3. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
4. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
5. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
6. I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
7. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
8. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
9. Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
10. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
12. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.