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Commitmentphobia Quiz...

Is he afraid to commit? Is he constantly dragging his feet while you yearn to take your relationship to the next level? Take the quiz below, and find out if the one you love has "commitmentphobia."

1. Does he change the subject when you mention the word "marriage?"
  We talk about it, but not seriously.
  No. We've discussed it very seriously.

2. Have you been together for more than two years?
  No. We just met.
  We've been together for one year or less.
  We've been together many years.

3. He likes to do his own thing and puts himself first?
  No. I believe I'm always foremost on his mind.

4. You often have a very strong feeling that he just doesn't want to grow up.
  No. He's very mature and serious.

5. Has he given you any kind of lasting token of his love, such as a ring?
  Sort of, but nothing like a promise ring or an engagement ring.

6. After you make love does he get up and leave or does he stick around and hold you in his arms?
  It's sayonara, baby!
  Sometimes he stays, sometimes he goes.
  He stays and he's usually very affectionate afterward.

7. Answer this question as honestly as possible. Do you feel that your bond is more sexual or emotional?
  An equal mix of both.

8. Has he ever said, "I love you?"
  All the time!

9. Do you believe that he's faithful to you?
  I think so, but I'm not 100% certain.
  I'm sure he is.

10. Concerning your relationship, do you feel like he often gives you mixed messages?
  Rarely. He's clear in his intentions.

11. Is your relationship "off again on again?"
  Yes. It's like we're on a non-stop roller coaster.
  Very rarely.
  No. He's always there for me. I can always count on him.

12. Does he sometimes not show up or fail to call or contact you?
  Yes. Frequently.
  Rarely, and usually there's a good reason for it.
  No. We're always in contact with each other.

13. Has he ever betrayed your trust?
  Not that I know of, but I have suspicions.
  No. I firmly believe that he has my best interest at heart always.

14. Do you ever think of your relationship in terms of torment?
  Not torment, but the relationship often wounds me.
  No. I'm very happy with this person.

15. Are you ever confused by his feelings, wondering what's going on?
  Yes. Quite often.
  Once or twice I have been.
  No. I know exactly where we stand, and I trust in our relationship.

16. Is he loathe to show his true feelings?
  In some matters.
  No. He tells me how he feels about many things.

17. Have you two broken up more than once since you met?
  No, but we've had some terrible spats.
  No. Our relationship has always been strong and stable.

18. Does it seem like he's always backing off and refusing to take the relationship to the next level?
  I don't think so, but I'm not certain.

19. You really feel that you can count on him no matter what?
  In most ways.

20. Has he ever broken any promises to you?
  Yes. Many or a few major ones.
  Not to my knowledge.
  No. I don't believe so.

Your Score

It means...
0-18 You either haven't known each other long enough to form a strong relationship--perhaps you've just met or have only been dating for a few months--or your love is afraid to commit. Why are some men so afraid to commit? They are afraid that they're pledging themselves to the wrong person. They incorrectly have it in their head that there's still a perfect someone out there for them whom they've not yet found.

Unfortunately, things may never change.

If you've been together for many years, and you want to take the relationship to the next level, but your love isn't moving along with you, then you need to make a difficult decision about whether you'll be happier living with or without him. Try to look at the matter objectively, knowing that there are other men out there who are looking for someone to spend their life with.

Whatever decision you make, rest assured that your mate's reluctance to commit isn't your fault: in fact; "commitmentphobia," is a deep, unrelenting, and irrational fear about becoming permanently tied to one person. It doesn't matter who you are or how wonderful you are, your love would still feel the same way.

It looks like you have some serious soul searching to do. Best of luck.
19-29 There are many strong points in your relationship, so there's a lot of possibility. Still, the man in your life may be pulling back, afraid to take the relationship to the next level. If so, it's not your fault. He's simply afraid to commit to one person for the rest of his life. Whether he'll come around remains to be seen, but when it all comes down to it, you really only have two choices. You can either give him the time to sort it all out or you can move on and hope to find happiness with someone else. Only you know which decision is right for you. Good luck. I hope you sort it all out and find a solution that makes you happy.
25-40 You two are dedicated to each other, and maybe you have a few issues. What couple doesn't? But whether he's afraid to commit is questionable. In fact, it looks like it's very possible that you two are moving in the direction of seriousness, if you're not already there, and that you have a very strong and close relationship. If you're wishing; however, that your mate would take the relationship to the next level, it would be best at this point in your life to give it a little more time. Let your mate know what you want and see how things develop. If your mate later proves to drag his feet, and time is slipping by without progress, and you truly want more than he's willing to give, then you have to decide what will make you happy in the long term. Good luck.

"Commitmentphobia Quiz," written and designed by Bobette Bryan, 2003

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